Signs You’re Past Your Prime

You should realize you’re past your prime when:

1…you pull out a T-shirt from your drawer with the logo of your daughter’s 3rd grade soccer club from 2003 and the word COACH on the back, and wear it anyway, usually underneath a sweat shirt commemorating some event from the 1980’s

2…you can’t recall the day you last showered, and still don’t do it

3…not one but two people honk at you as you back out of your parking spot at the grocery store

4…you watch an hour of a 90-minute Netflix movie before you realize you’ve seen it before

4a…that same night, while walking your garbage all the way out to the curb, you realize you can still hear your TV

5…while putting away your clean laundry you notice a tear along a seam of a pair of underwear and put it in a drawer anyway (I’ve now learned why it’s called a pair of underwear or a pair of pants. You’ll have to look it up yourself)

6…you notice a polo shirt is wrinkled, and simply “hand press” it after you put it on

7…you finally find that red folder labeled “To Do – Important” under an unread 6-month old magazine, and then realize you still read physical magazines

8…you start wondering whether a “pill reminder box” might not be a bad idea, and then remember your daughter gave you one last Christmas

9…speaking of daughters, when asked her age you respond”27, 28, 29?”

10…you start getting invitations like this: