Thoughts Upon Leaving the Gym

I left the gym yesterday shaking my head. There are some things I will not do to try to convince others that I are somehow younger than I look.

1.         Wear a man bun

 Now granted, my hair has never been long enough to support a man bun.  Well, maybe in my college days, although then it was much too curly.  And man buns weren’t an in thing in the ’60s.  Long, scraggly hair made some sort of political statement, we thought at the time.  But today, for some reason, man buns are accepted.  However, a man bun on a senior head does not somehow delineate its wearer as virile and hip.  It marks him as someone with thinning, stringy hair, a receding hairline, and a lack of self-confidence. Or a bizarre sense of humor.

            In truth, curmudgeon that I am, I don’t really understand the reason younger men wear man buns.  Especially the little tiny ones on the back of the head.  If they are meant to keep your longish hair out of your eyes, a head band works better, and may keep your manly sweat out of your eyes.  A little bump on the back of your head has no impact on your sweat rivulets.  If instead they are meant to remove your hair from the back of your hot and sweaty neck, you could always cut the offending locks, or just put up with the heat.  It won’t kill you. After all, you’re supposed to be exercising, so suck it up a little.  Finally, if you’re wearing one because you think it makes you look like a cool, even dare I say sexy European soccer player, just keep in mind that you aren’t one.

2.         Wear a muscle shirt

Let’s face it, fellow old guys, Newton’s Theory of Gravity acts upon every object with mass.  That includes those biceps and pecs we thought we were working on so diligently over the years.